“You’re the one who defines your relatinoships. You’re the one who gets to decide what comes in and what stays. Remember, it’s about you. You’re the one who gets to decide what to do. ”

That’s what he says. My new friend at the café, he says it’s up to me to define what kind of relationships I have and with whom. That it is all about me, in the sense of deciding what makes me feel good and whose company I want to keep. Or is it ALL about me. I rather think not. Because if it was the sky would stay a beautiful shade of purple and the rain would taste like love.

Relationship. That word gets tossed around so much these days and no one seems to know what it means, and yet everyone has a concept of what they think it means and they will defend it to the death. Try asking someone what being in a relationship means. “oh. You mean like dating?” Sure. But no that’s a connotation the word has come to mean, but it’s a specification of the word to meaning only one thing when the application of the word is much more broad and yet much more narrow.

The use of the word relationship, according to Google Books, peaked in the last years of the nineties. I like to think that this is because everyone was so concerned about the relationship that the new milium would have on computers, but more it probably has something to do with the concern of the relationship between private and public life in terms of Bill. But then again, maybe it’s popularity peaked then because of FRIENDS and all the interesting, including lesbian love, relationships in the show.

Whatever the reason, i’m sure someone else can nail down the reason and you know what? good for you, but mostly the point shows that theres a connection, dare we say relationship between the more a word is used and a greater amount of confusion as to what it actually means since at a greater use it is being applied in a greater area and then becomes associated with one particular meaning after repeated experiences by individuals which then spread the connotation amongst themselves and then the whole world (of english speakers mind you.. no Japanese oopies here).

The Oxford English Dictionaries (the OED for those of you in da know) defines ‘relationship’ as: NOUN 1. The way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected. 1.1 The state of being connected by blood or marriage. 1.2 The way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other. 1.3 An emotional and sexual association between two peoople.

1.3 is where the confusion comes in as people like to us the word relationship as all encompassing. When I say, I have a good relationship with him/her people assume we’re dating if it’s a male, and assume I’m straight, and if it’s a female they assume she’s some kind of ‘friend.’

Now let me take myself out of the equation – because frankly i’m rather boring. So now if relationship is always used in the sexual sense, instead of a more platonic sense where the relating between two or more pepole could be good or bad and sexual or not: enter dating and FB status. Personally, facebook is what ruined it all. It determined that everyone is is some kind of limbo of having a set relationship status meaning that you’re either – single, taken, in a relationship with ‘x’, or it’s complicated. There is not option to bow out. You can ignore it but then the connotation is ‘it’s complicated’ or ‘single’ basically if you don’t check one your ‘available’ and fair game on the sexual dating feild.

This is why I’ve decided I’m in a serious relationship with Coffee. It’s complicated but it’s also not. Coffee has my heart and my soul, everything i do revolves around my relationship with coffee. Will there be coffee there? No? no thank you kind sir. Do you like coffee? No? We have nothing more to discuss here; move along.

This saves me the hassle of ‘are you single’? nope and yes. I’m single when i’m not sexually envolved sure. But my heart is always taken. Because no one wants to be labeled as being stuck in a permanent state of singleness or takenness so easier to just pick something annoying to go against the sociatly standards of single or taken.

Bleh. If you read all that shit you’re a trooper and I thank you. Good luck defining relationship in your own life. In the meantime, coffee is calling and I must go.



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